letters that frequent marbles of gargantuan turmoil pass like similes. Do they reiterate the question? She tries to break me or shake me at least. this logic has been perpetually imposed as fun. Funny how it is not. And funny how your face looks like. when you look at the mirror at 7 in the morning

When i read those letters, tears well up on my lids. These are memories full of unique articulation and teen-ager love. I have seen her last year. Memories are blurred now because emotions, exaggerations and silence have taken its natural distortion. I felt comforted then. Now, not really. I find it myself. The present is stable but not comforting to my own personal and mythical standards.

You are a compilation of myths. We probably saw  and soaked it as truth. We believed it which made it almost like truth but truth is always arguable. And to remember things. We do it in a favored fashion. But these last year letters are more than archives, they are fictitious landscapes of an imaginary 2 month relationship.

Disorientation is the chaos of uncertain events that lead to a tumultuous change, of the state of being. Its like channel surfing; we forget the purpose of why we picked up that remote control.

Disorientation is the disease of the dense. It is actually the after party of the sugar rushed kids. Those that bite on lollipops and suck on gum are those that lose direction and forget the point of origin. A lot of people can remember. They can instantly recall the color, smell and ambiance of that place. Its arrogant narrated details feel and sound like a photograph. But do or can they back track to every single step they took forwards by reversing the whole process. Maybe that is the answer to revisit the point of origin, the first step.

Orientation is the conditioning of the mind and body. Smoking could be an example. All of this leads to personal outlook of well-being The state where all is stationary, familiar and clear.

Orientation affects all present decisions, they are the answer to feeling right. Orientation is the cause and Guilt is the effect. Guilt is what makes us perfectionists. If the examples and results do not please our conditioning we tend to feel guilt; a guilt that carries on as we rearrange its configuration to make it sound right.

The state of  being is your habit. All else is contrived. (including this one)

better than ezra
better than jolt cha cha

endless mumbles of impersonal writing'

everybodys writing about their feelings over here

here me
look at me
its so disgusting'
im in love

when can yo write about giants who masticate shrubs and exhale poetry about grass?

fucking readers.

        bursts from the door, exasperated as he tries to fit all deadlines into one straight line. The coherent and chronological one. One that if even puzzled will be easy to detect.

(no monologue, just an inner dialougue)

miss martha the spiders are so eerie looking and they spit fire. its has been hot in this kitchen for several days. My skin is baking crusty almost fishy smelling.

MInerva and her authority breaks glass as silence is her device to heed those who complain because secrets are never democratic. They are slow guesses never to be conceived and to always be carried and protected by the eleven charactered password. i confide and hope never to hit anyone inderectly.

holland, bakery and sweets for children with rotten teeth. emersing their addiction with sour questions of where did all the sweetness in life go. the weeks of sunshine that we do have have been blown by these winds of change, because actually it does hurt my friend

love abstract subtract you fleshy malting verbs of doing making stumbling typing and spooning.











you are flesh enough to make me still be waters that you francis will and might always be alone tonight.











Right essays and multi cultural prowess of printing what might be convenient for the current readers.











Delving in synchrophrones adapted from riots and 17th era facades by Monet. impressionisms which actually derived from japanese coulture this to be factual - This the end of the Edo period 1868 ukiyo-e = "floating world"











Now do i comply or do i obliterate my pice to liberate a new sound a new voice to it, that pictures would feel insecure if they were juxtaposed beside it DIAGONALLY.











Its like origami she said - an intimate fold of hands until they are completely helpless of return and even give up intimate and alone time, for now they have placed their big bets on this lateral rhythm. This is the time to collaborate you thoughts a massive exchange of flow like cream puffs when i bite you with delight and not hunger - a cows one











chapter one

my ex is bugging me over friendster. To what extent her exaggerated efforts may come i find it pathetic. Why would people have to cover or move or beat around the bush if they're in for friendly fire comic relief coffee and cigarette conversation.

Perhaps i wouldn't really know or perhaps its even to dumb to go and get inside the psyche of things or people or past lovers for that matter and manner.

Who's viewed you :

Me being the egotistic individual seemingly seeing who perhaps in this day in age would contact me in this day and age.

and CHANAN!!!! my ex in perhaps the most unappealing pictures which is not even her for that matter.

i am owned and please do not disturb the waters from which i sail from. It is heavy, dark and your seat is apparently occupied. i know my writing. No fake fucker fat featurette adjectives. blehhhh

further away
stream down epitaphs of dry runs and escape methods to be alone with myself
just YURI clowning me till my heart proposes to say yes to laughter
make videos and intermediate novice excerpts of mundane magical drama


i like it in disarray, it seems to bite me, it seems to get me lost and feel self-pity

because i haven't allowed myself to wander and understand that for a long time.

memories of you driving that car and me on the passenger street
making fun poking fun of anything strange and obscure
like google map directions

and the tension of silence because non has the words to express the feeling - that singular, sharp and microscopic feeling that neither doctors can figure out

and as of tonight i feel that, but only to myself, which neither i, can understand

christmas is just a way to get out all the pressures and residues of responsibilities, thats what i hear-see-ear-eye and you can blame it on the weather, tax, celebrities or politics. All BIG BANG diversions.

it helps for the minor details or damage. All slips of the tounge and incoherent insults, however funny it may be is should be rather be avoided upon. Be pretentious,Be avoiding. Its not wrong as long as you're not conscious. PLay it far to wander land and talk about things to do or movies to watch. Talk seven or play the rubics cube. Amuse yourself. Wear your escapism cape you used to play with your precious dolls or figurines (in order to avoid sexism) And if it still bugs you as much of a big issue maybe its time
to deal with it

satire ???
lets not start there
its a pretensious starting line
rather not but rather will bring your "pop the willie"
kontest

im here in ontario with my girlfriend, yup suck it up darling.
and i brought
2 pants
6 sweaters
3 bulky jackets
with furrrrrrr - real and unreal suck it up baby

im wearing pink slippers, and just not caring for reaction. attention span disorder or maybe misdirection and maybe nostalgia but more basic remembering the past christmas
suck it up babe - now maybe your friends may not read it
hunhunhunhun : (

sleeping and distracted.

mine is the second adjective, hers is the first. we complement and there is no magical interferences of what we may know or read as d e s t i n y. i should be more gentle in typing, i don't want to wake her up. she is placed on the left side of the queen matress bed. She is curled like a baby.

i want this to last. hoping it would, but don't we all wish it lasts the first time it starts. by the way there are a million first times and probably there would be a million ways of addressing my love, crypticlly uncreepy.

Observant - yes i am, an observant lover

tired eyes, miscellaneous second upper cuts for proper training for the next move


tigere kick wonderbucks, parcles of premium gasoline trying to be home boys. in the crewe, rocka and roll and sigmata tinira ko sa pwet yung malambing na aso... dirediretso wlanag pahinga. lalakeng lalake

of erection

of need

off jacket

off hood

open your missing mistsakes weonder boy

tummy hurts

and medicine non

to soothe your t

ASTE paste parcels of pizzaria paparazzi

worming to your whole hardened heart

whatever that means man..
its like a cheech and chong ya know

this heart burn of mine is killer
i have it after every 40 minutes

i think father almighty wants me out
of this dirty game called life
and past love

yea
burn that bitch
pass it to me
misogyny you know
never knew it existed

until it was pointed out to me
its not as if i really care


more or less like feminism
its like ice cream
people like it
but i dont really care
until its pounded in your ears
through multiple advertisments
that its summer
then a sudden a vendor builds his store
in front of your day dream window
so now your AWARE!!! HA! BEWARE!!

Pat told me this analogy when the Spaniards conquered the Aztecs they traveled on ship.
and kilometers afar still the aztecs couldnt see it
until the oracles pointed out that there are these things called ships and its carrying people in it (in aztec language).
Only by then they saw.
and everytime i go out
i see my ex's mom.


i must be an oracle
yu know

i called as i pasted your note beside my mirror where i always (always) look at myself.

You went to the bank with your father. oh wait that was the night we watched me and you and everybody we know. yeah

so you went to the wrong bus stop until we finally met at the bus stop in front of Salvation Army.

we rode the train and talked about threesomes and coulture.

then on the drive going to the famous vegan cafe, you lent me your jacket because my filipino skin can never handle this kenadian weather.

we talked intimate and you showed me your magazines. you wore your bill the cat purple shirt, jeans and your boots.

with candles it soon started. Natasha came, Lauren came, Max came, Chris came.
I sang with my Casio Sk.

and we smoked a bit of pot.
On our way home you asked me to sing in the train and i did.
on the bus you lay your head on my shoulder.
you said it smells like mango. it didnt but i believed and then my stop then yours.

next day
work day.

listening to music
the first one that made me fall in love with fog and granville island.

i remember me and pat went there two years ago.
it was rainy.
i was wearing striped long sleeves with my purple leather jacket from mimi
wich wasnt ripped apart.. yet

and the japanese girl who served us tempura.
the rain makes me fall in love with everything
from food to streets to people.

"i miss my brother."

going home from broadway, i usually get off gateway but for this particular night i got off Surrey Central.

Going down the steps i remember me and Pat coming from the big HMV at Robson wich used to be Virgin Records.

beatboxing... rhyming.. about cars

sweaty
on the balcony
unconsiously
i was naked
wearing these
classy shades from value village
(kaneda ukay)

went back
to the room
which is such a mess
to messy
to even start where and what spot i should
start cleaning

i was on the lake
and wondering
why i deserve all this bad luck and pain

in all the relationships i have ever been (friends, lovers, etc..)

i had no intentions of hurting anyone
and this is what i get

more hurt
as they
say
"to those much has given much is expected"

but i am uninspired
i am always stable when in a relationship
but never again will i force myself on anyone
to add that it makes me look cheap
it is wasted effort

all that i have planned
all that i have arranged
all that i have sacrificed
has gone nowhere
well i have 200 bucks on my debit account

and a no care to anything to anyone
if you want me
show up on my door

osoyoos

excpectation:
instant enlightenment

coke
acid
doobs
alchohol

stangers
flirting
nothing
much really
it means nothing to me

wake up here in
surrey
fuck shit
either
i want to get out of this place.

start somewhere new
this place is just
killer
too done
as for steak
its burnt

meet new people
be left again

nothing to hold on to
nothing is permanent
but the sad part is
that all
remains in my head

i should be sleeping
but instead i gave coke a try
and whala!!!

instant zen
like movie and cup cakes
well something sweet which
reminds you of love
(in a very romantic way)

so sing sing
and meet people
exchange
but inside i am numb from
rejection

i get traumatized easily
but for some reason
this time
i had to feel how hard it is to be verbally
slapped with "not anymore"